April Fool's hoax opinion poll reportedly sparked wild celebrations at Labour HQ

Eyewitness accounts claim the Twitter prank led to drunken dancing, nudity, sex acts and abusive phone calls to staffers' own elderly relatives.


Joe Douglas Home

4/2/20223 min read

HOUSE PARTY: 105 Victoria Street complex in Central London where Labour staffers are said to have indulged in "debauched, reckless celebrations". (Frankie Jackson-Goode/Cowabunga Images)

It has emerged that Labour Party staffers in their Victoria Street headquarters celebrated wildly on Friday afternoon after falling for an April Fool's Day hoax opinion poll that placed Sir Keir Starmer's party twenty points ahead of the Conservatives.

The tweet which sparked "drunken, euphoric" scenes was posted by an account purporting to be Britain Elects, a popular aggregator of election results and polling data. However, eagle-eyed Twitter users spotted the user name was in fact @BritianErect, a jovial pun based on a British man named Ian experiencing a penis engorgement. The parody page even hammers home this puerile reference by describing itself as "The UK's most erect poll aggregator" in its bio.

An anonymous source who works at Victoria Street claimed, "One person saw it, obviously didn't verify it, then all hell broke loose. The champagne fridge was immediately emptied. It looked like the winners podium after a Formula 1 race. At one point our whole team was chanting We Are the Champions. Thank god no video has appeared online.

"Someone stuck Magic FM on the radio, people were dancing on the desks. One senior policy advisor even got his dick out and waved it around shouting, 'Suck on my fleshy truncheon, Corbynista vermin.' Another ended up topless and let others write anti-socialist slogans on her bare breasts. It was absolute carnage."

Another source adds, "This impromptu party escalated so quickly, there was such a sense of relief that people just lost control. One guy kicked the hell out of his computer monitor then fell to his knees sobbing. Another telephoned his elderly left-wing parents and shouted abuse at them. It was actually quite thrilling if I'm honest."

The celebrations were eventually brought to a close when a member of the Shadow Cabinet turned up and "incredulously" informed them the opinion poll was false.

"The air was completely sucked out of the room," continues one of the eyewitness accounts. "Everyone felt very, very stupid. The last staff to find out were a pair who had gone to the toilets to have incredibly loud sex. One of them is married with children so god knows what he'll tell his wife. I guess they were just so euphoric it seemed like a good idea."

Bazake co-founder and expert on internet disinformation Oliver Laughdugry tweeted, "I've just been informed this is a poor attempt at an 'April Fool's Day' joke. Not remotely amusing. People like myself desperately need a Labour government, to prove us right. Furthermore, hoaxes like this play right into Putin's hands. People will die thanks to this tweet… One small crumb of comfort I take is that when the Online Harms Bill is enshrined in law cybertrolls posting politically sensitive hoaxes under the cover of April Fool's Day whimsicality will face two years in jail. Enjoy your freedom to spread discord and misery whilst you can."

It is believed the fake opinion poll was referencing the "Twenty points ahead" meme, an online joke associated with the Corbynite hard left as they seek to mask their own inadequacies and failure by criticising the current leadership. It is believed to have been popularised by the mysterious Kremlin-funded internet prankster Trevor Bastard. However, many are surprised to learn that its origin lies with none other than former prime minister Tony Blair who used the line to criticise Jeremy Corbyn.