Relief for parents after they learn deceased children were not killed in a terrorist incident

Metropolitan Police announce they have arrested a 28 year old white man who was “driving in a hurry.”


Joe Douglas Home

1/31/20221 min read

OBLITERATED: Police tape is all that remains at the scene of the crime. (Princip Kakalon/Victory Images)

Grieving parents in Bromley have finally received some good news after it was revealed that their children were not killed by an Islamic fundamentalist terrorist.

The Metropolitan Police have announced they have arrested troubled motoring enthusiast Ian Duncan, 28, for causing the deaths of three children by dangerous driving.

Mr. Duncan’s Renault Megane mounted the pavement on Masons Hill at around 4pm on Thursday 20th January earlier this year and sped along to avoid traffic. Eyewitnesses described him as “listening to Cars by Gary Numan at ear-splitting volume” and “grinning with manic delight as he saw the kids ahead of him.”

Duncan’s neighbour, Sue Possum, described him as, “a quiet young man who loved cars” who would politely come to her door on occasion when his Top Gear Magazine was delivered to the wrong address.

One of Duncan’s old college friends posted on Facebook, “I think Ian was radicalised by listening to talk radio stations. He stopped speaking to me because I was a cyclist.”

David Franks of road safety charity BREAKS has urged motorists to cut their speed when driving on the pavement. “Look, ideally we’d have cars not driving on pavements altogether, but if you insist please, please keep your speed below 30 miles per hour.”