Top Prof says BTS "Bottom of the Pops"

Scientists at top uni says the K-pop superstars are the worst band in history


Elektra Rusbridger

2/17/20222 min read

SHOCK FINDINGS: Much loved band are scientifically proven to be the worst ever. (Gilly Wreckham/Tombolaa)

Top music boffins at University College Borehamwood have caused a stir today after declaring top Korean popsters, BTS, to be the worst music band in history. The findings come after a collaboration between musicologists and computer scientists at the university to create a computer algorithm which could identify the worst music ever to be recorded.

Professor Ralston McShandy, a world leading musicologist at the university, has spent the past year crunching the numbers with his colleagues and came to the shocking conclusion after one coffee fuelled all-nighter. “When we looked at the computer print-out, we couldn’t believe our eyes. So we ran the programme again and it came back the same. Then we checked the code, but it was all normal,” said McShandy.

The team sent the findings to colleagues across the pond who then replicated the experiment in a controlled environment. The results were the same. BTS were now officially the worst band in history.

“In all the criteria, BTS come out bottom of the heap,” said Johnny Baughl, a computer whizz-kid working on McShandy’s team. “In tonality, lyrics, rhythm, you name it. BTS are the worst. And this isn’t just opinion, it’s scientific fact!”

The news will come as a surprise to those who believe Coldplay, U2, Muse, and other much maligned bands are the worst in history. The head of the official Genesis hate club says the findings are “preposterous” and show how out of touch university professors are in their ivory towers.

The teams’ findings are now being shared through cyberspace and could see deadly repercussions for the team at the hands of the self-proclaimed BTS “Army”. BAZAKE Media infiltrated one Facebook fan group with users vowing to “throw that motherfucker McShandy into a vat of boiling vegetable oil”. Another user said they were going to “cunt” McShandy’s head “clean off” with one carefully placed roundhouse kick.

BAZAKE Media have reached out to BTS’s management for comment, but as yet we have received no reply.